That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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