I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
