party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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