So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
