I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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