I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
