Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
