Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
