Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
