I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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