My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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