to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
