let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
