Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
