I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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