Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
