I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
