My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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