We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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