I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
