this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
