My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
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I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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