she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
