Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
