So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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