True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
