im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
