Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
