She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
