I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
