My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
