Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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