I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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