I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
