Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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