please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
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Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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