your parents love me but you hate me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
