That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
