Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I FOUND THE LEGS
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
