You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
