take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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