yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
