dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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