my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
