I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just cropdusted the office
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
