I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
