I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
