how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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