I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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