When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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