Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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