omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
