it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
