yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sober January is a disaster.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
