you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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