That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
