her vagine was all disorganized.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
this is an emotional support booty call
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
