I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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