I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
im on a boat
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