ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
