I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
