If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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