I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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