Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize