i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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