hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
