dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
