i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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